Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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