So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
