He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize