I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
