I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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