i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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