she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
