My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Randomize
