Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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