Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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