Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
