I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
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I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
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Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize