I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
