Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
