I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
