Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
