I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
