The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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