Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
