I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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