I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
