I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
