Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
