this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
