Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
whose parrot is this?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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