do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize