All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
