Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
