There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
