New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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