just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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