Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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