you would pick up someone in the library
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
