so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
