My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
