I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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