today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
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I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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