I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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