i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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