So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
