What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
