If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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