what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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