Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
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Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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