You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
