I puked a lego.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
