take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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