she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He did a backflip because drugs
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
