Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
