The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
