What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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