Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
