I think I won the penis lottery.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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