What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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