Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
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so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize