did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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