If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
