please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
