It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize