it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You did what with his pubic hair?
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