girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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