I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize