I'm so fucking centered right now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
